


The Residents of the Flash Drive

by AJMcLeod



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Chronicles of Narnia - All Media Types, Lunar Chronicles - Marissa Meyer, Newsies - All Media Types, Robin Hood (BBC 2006)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Crack, Mary Sue, badly written fanfics, my hand slipped
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:09:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27681992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AJMcLeod/pseuds/AJMcLeod
Summary: We're all aware that writer's block exists. Sometimes it exists because our characters go on strike against us because they're mad about what we put them through. This is that story
Relationships: Artemis Crock/Dick Grayson, Djaq/Will Scarlett, Edmund Pevensie/Original Female Character(s), Jack Kelly/Original Female Character(s), Peter Pevensie/Original Female Character(s), Robin Hood/Marian of Knighton, iko/jason todd
Comments: 3
Kudos: 3





	1. ...Go On Strike

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys,   
> Don't worry, if you're following Battlefront, the next chapter will still be up soon, it hasn't been abandoned. HOWEVER my wonderful roommate made me listen to a song called Boy Band Parody by Paint and Peter Hollens on YouTube. So a fic that I started back in 2009 to stave off writer's block now has a new chapter and a new home. 
> 
> Some things you need to know. This was started back before I knew ANYTHING about writing. The first several chapters are badly done, and I cringed when I read through this. But that being said, it's important to know where you came from. So I did minor editing for clarity...beyond that what you see is what you get. I considered leaving off the first chapter and just doing an author's note to explain everything...but I didn't. So here it is in it's terribly written glory. I promise it gets better.
> 
> When I first posted this on Fanfiction.net, I had the disclaimer that if you recognized it then it wasn't mine. That still holds. And with that enjoy!

The air was cold and damp in that tiny flash drive, twelve people sat in contemplative silence each doing their best not to make a sound, since it only brought about dire consequences. Zoey snuggled as close to Peter and the others from Narnia as she could. Something about those awful Newsies made her skin crawl. Cora found them fascinating, Lucy just wanted to play with them and Susan…well, Susan kept stealing glances at the short one. Likewise, Erin didn’t trust these finely dressed strangers any further than she could throw them. The dark headed girl kept glancing at her brother, though Erin let her know by a growl from the back of her throat that the glances were noticed and not appreciated. 

“How long does she expect us to sit here in this dark?” Cora let out a growl. As a pirate she could only go so long without the sea. The “She” in question was none other than their authoress who had briefly had to be a grown up and take care of business. 

“At least you haven’t been beaten within an inch of your life at least once per chapter,” the brown haired boy from the Newsies side commented in a thick New York accent. 

“It was less than that, Jack dear. It couldn’t have been more than every other chapter,” quipped the girl, who looked like a modernized version of Zoey, from Jack’s side. “And besides, I think I was put through more than you were, emotionally at least.” 

“Oh, cause of that one chapter with the guy in the parking garage, Angel?” The short one asked noticing at last Susan’s glances. 

“And when she had us break up and get back together only to have everyone attacked in a warehouse,” Angel replied pouting ever so slightly. 

“That sounds perfectly dreadful!” Zoey gasped. 

“It was, that was when she was carefully choreographing the fight scenes…you guys are lucky she doesn’t do that to you!” 

“No, she just strikes the whole family down with a rare and deadly disease,” Peter said rolling his eyes. 

“Who are you?” The blonde with an eye patch asked, since no one else from New York had enough guts to ask. 

“High King Peter, the Magnificent,” Peter replied holding out a hand. The blonde looked from the hand to Peter’s face and back. 

“You probably could have left off the last bit,” Susan told her brother. 

“Don’t say that, she’ll hear you!” Edmund whispered. 

“What?” Lucy asked, tilting her head to the side ever so slightly. 

“It’s a movie quote. It acts as a call to her ‘creative flow’ as she calls it. Creative flow my eye,” Cora spoke up. However, Edmund, having been trapped with Cora for days on board a ship, knew she was about to go off on a tangent and therefore quickly silenced her, thus saving the others from having to hear a page long rant on the evils of “creative flow”. Cora, being the independent young woman she was, did not take kindly to Edmund clamping his hand over her mouth and proceeded to let him know with a booted foot planted firmly in his shin. 

“OW!” Edmund yelped. 

“Oy” Leighanna groaned. 

“Ya got that right,” agreed the short blonde boy. 

“Peter, how long has it been since we’ve been outside?” Lucy asked very innocently. 

“Too long Lu, too long,” Peter answered. Though no one could see the dark bags under his eyes, the prolonged state of being cramped in a small dark room with your siblings, wife, brother’s girlfriend and six strangers was beginning to take its toll on him. Suddenly, a noise sounded from beyond the confining walls of their prison. It was a ringing sound that could only mean one thing; she was back and ready to inflict more torture upon them. They all cowered in fear as they felt the mouse scrolling over their names as she decided whom she wanted to play with today. The Newsies felt relatively safe, it had been quite sometime since she’d felt like using them. However, the Narnians were not so lucky. The cursor slowed over Cora and Edmund. She’d been favoring those two lately. With a click they disappeared, but wait, it was coming back. They stared at it in slack jawed wonder, until stopped over Peter. He vanished with a click as well. Zoey, Susan and Lucy clung to each other. The wait until they returned had begun. 

*~* 

_Peter, who’d taken the rings in the car, stepped forward. He couldn’t place why, but something wasn’t right. When he saw the train wobbling, he knew._

_“ED RUN!” He tried to call out, but it was too late. The train flew off the track; landing in a shower of sparks and shattered glass._

_Cora had been dozing in the rare sunshine when she was awakened by a screech and a colossal bang. Curious as to the source of the noise she stood up outside the car. Smoke was curling into the sky but the train was nowhere to be seen. Something in her gut told her that a horrible thing had just happened._

_She ran to the platform only to find carnage everywhere. The train was lying on its side on the platform with shards of broken glass spread about. Scanning the scene, she desperately searched for Edmund or Peter._ Perhaps, _she thought._ Perhaps they were inside. _A brief glance at the waiting area proved otherwise. Gritting her teeth, she forced herself to look at the bodies that were trapped by the train. It didn’t take her long to recognize Peter. He lay motionless, his eyes closed and his life blood oozing from his body._

Suddenly, Peter was back with them. He looked pale and scratched up, but the wounds were healing quickly, as they always did upon exit from a story. Edmund and Cora however were still nowhere to be found. 

“Where are they?” Susan asked worried for her brother. 

“Alternate Universe,” growled Peter. “They’re married in England. The train just crashed, Ed should be here soon.” 

“Oh I hate Alternate Universe stories,” Lucy moaned. “How does Cora being a pirate have any weight whatsoever in England?” 

“She’s not a pirate in England. She’s a good English housewife,” Peter said rolling his eyes. 

*~* 

Edmund should be near here, _Cora thought._ But where? 

_“EDMUND!” She screamed, hoping against all hope that he was alive. She heard a moan off to her left. Looking down, she praised the heavens he was alive._

_“Ed!” She cried dropping to her knees beside him. “Thank God you’re alive.”_

_“Cora,” He wheezed reaching a bloodied hand up to caress her face._

_“I thought you were gone!”_

_“Not yet,” he coughed. “Peter?”_

_Cora shook her head, “He’s gone.”_

_“I’m not far behind.”_

_“Don’t say that!” Cora cried bitterly. “Please live, I-I was going to tell you tonight, but you’re going to be a father.”_

_“Tell them that I would have loved them and that I wish I could have met them.”_

_His breath was becoming increasingly labored._

_“No, please don’t leave us.”_

_“I know this feeling…the witch…Beruna.”_

_“NO!” Cora cried as Edmund breathed his last._

*~* 

And presently, Edmund rejoined the others in the flash drive. Wiping his hands off on his torn shirt, he glowered at anyone who dared to laugh at him. 

“Sorry Ed,” Peter coughed trying to stifle his laughter, which were getting rather giggle-like. “It’s just too funny.” 

“Is it my fault that I’m written into these things?” 

A magic tinkling sounded beyond the walls signaling that the story was finished and saved. 

“If I ever get my hands on that wench, I’ll Keel-haul her!” Cora growled wiping blood and tears from her face. The Newsies looked at the Narnians, trying desperately not to laugh. 

“One word out of any of you and I’ll keel-haul you as well!” Cora snapped. 

“You know we should do something, we hate being put into stories like these,” said Angel from a safe distance away. 

“Yeah,” Spot added. “We should.” 

“What are we gonna do?” Jack asked sarcastically. “Go on strike?” 

The Narnians looked at each other as did The Newsies before letting their common goal sink in. They were going to strike against badly written fiction. 

“We can’t go on strike,” Leighanna said. “We don’t have a union.” 

“If we go on strike then we are a union,” Jack told her. 

“No, we’re just a bunch of angry characters refusing to be used.” 

“So we make a union!” 

“What? The We Won't Put Up With This Crap Anymore Union?” Peter laughed. 

“Exactly that,” Jack nodded his affirmation. 

“Will you think about this for a moment?” asked Susan, who was properly shocked at the happenings in the flash drive. 

“We don’t have a moment, we gotta do something before she uses us again!” Jack retorted. 

“I was just trying to be realistic.” 

“More like smart aleck,” Angel smirked. Susan rolled her eyes at the girl. 

“Aight, the choice has gotta be yours! Are we just gonna take what she gives us or are we gonna strike?” Jack asked standing in the middle of the group. 

“STRIKE!” was the universal reply. 

“Tell us what to do,” Blink added afterwards. 

“She’s gotta respect the rights of all of us!” 

“YEAH!” 

“AJ thinks we’re nothing, are we nothing?” 

“NO!” 

“She thinks she’s got us, does she have us?” 

“NO!” 

“Even though we don’t have hats or badges, we’re a union just by sayin so! And the web will know! What’s it gonna take to stop her pen, are we ready?” 

“YEAH!” 

“What’s it gonna take to stop her writing, can we do it?” 

“YEAH!” 

“We’ll do what we gotta do until we break the plot bunnies! And the web will know! And the computer too, Ms McLeod we’ve got news for you! And the web will hear, what we’ve got to say; we’ve been put in plots but no more today! And our ranks will grow, till we kick their rears. Then the web will know that we’ve been here!” 

“You know, that reminds me of a song,” Blink piped up once everyone had quieted down. 


	2. ...And The Missing Leading Men

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Jack go missing, but no one quite knows why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we have chapter 2 of what I had originally meant to be a one shot. This was written in 2010 and I still didn’t know anything about writing, but that didn’t stop me. This one was also originally written in like an hour. Trust me, I know how bad this is... still cringing. 
> 
> I love kudos and comments, all I ask is for kindness.

It was quiet in the flash drive…the inhabitants sleeping peacefully on a cold winter’s eve. High King Peter was snoring away having blissful dreams about the Golden Age when a hand clamped over his mouth. His eyes flew open trying to see what had just happened. 

“If you value your life, not a sound,” a voice hissed in his ear. Peter nodded mutely and was soon led away from the others by a sharp knifepoint in his back. 

He couldn’t tell how long they had been walking, and his captor volunteered no information. Just when he thought his legs would fall off if he had to go one more step, they stopped. 

“Sorry about this,” the captor said before securing his hands behind him. His ears picked up stomping hooves and a swishing tail while an earthy aroma filled his nose. He was pushed toward a horse and managed to climb into the saddle, not without difficulty. All night the steady staccato _clip-clop_ of hoof beats was the only sound he heard. 

Soon the sky began to lighten; he could see grass, sky and the black cloak of his abductor. _So much for finding out who it is,_ Peter thought ruefully. He was suddenly glad for the 15 years in Narnia where he’d learned to keep his seat while fighting on horseback, for he would have fallen off as his horse started up a steep incline otherwise. 

Then as they reached the apex of the hill, he saw it. Cair Paravel, still gleaming white the way it looked the day he was crowned High King Peter the Magnificent. His stomach jumped into his throat as memories of his life in Narnia’s Golden Age flooded his mind. 

Before he fully comprehended that they’d crossed the small field, they were at the gates. Something seemed off. Where were the Centaurs guarding the gates? Where was the Narnian standard that should have been blowing in the breeze? The fauns, dryads and mermaids were all absent as well adding to the eerie silence surrounding his home. 

They had come to a stop, his captor motioning for him to dismount. Still gazing wide-eyed at his surroundings his kicked his foot free of the stirrup and dismounted, his feet sending up little puffs of dirt. 

“Move!” The abductor growled, the knifepoint once again prodding against his spine. Peter obediently moved forward. They approached a stairway, which Peter could walk in his sleep. His bedchamber was located three doors down at the top of the stairs. He couldn’t help but grin at the memory of carrying Zoey over the threshold on their wedding day. To his surprise, he found that they were going to his office that was located next to his bedchamber. His captor opened the door and nudged him inside. 

“Jack?” Peter asked seeing the Newsie in his office. Jack was seated in a chair, bare chested with his hands tied behind him. Jack wearily raised his head; deep purple bruises appeared like blotches on his face. 

“Run while you still can…” Jack wheezed. 

“What?” 

Peter didn’t see the blow that rendered him unconscious. 

\-- 

Meanwhile, back in the flash drive the residents were waking up. 

“Ow, Cora you slept with your knife out again!” Edmund growled trying to stop the blood flowing from out of his hand. 

“Is it my fault that you insist on sleeping so close to me?” Cora retorted. 

“Peter?” Zoey asked finding her husband strangely absent. 

“What’s wrong Zoey?” Lucy asked skipping up to her. 

“Have you seen Peter?” 

“Not since last night when we all went to bed.” 

“Me either…he usually leaves a note if he leaves before I’m up.” 

“Have you tried asking the Newsies?” Susan asked brushing out her long dark hair. 

“No, do you think they would know where he is?” 

“It’s worth a shot,” Edmund added finally succeeding in stopping the blood flow. Zoey walked to the Newsies’ side of the flash drive and found them arguing. 

“Once a scab, always a scab, that’s what I say!” Spot nearly yelled at Angel. 

“Would you let it go?” Angel replied moments away from beating the tar out of the boy. 

“Excuse me, I hate to interrupt, but have any of you seen Jack?” Zoey asked politely. 

“We’ve been looking for Jack all morning,” Erin told Zoey. 

“Mr. High and Mighty here seems to think that Jack has turned scab despite the fact that we are in a FLASH DRIVE AND NOT IN TURN OF THE CENTURY NEW YORK!!!” Angel added, shouting the last part at Spot. 

“Scab?” Zoey asked thoroughly confused. 

“Traitor” 

“Oh, so Jack is missing too?” 

“No, we just thought we’d act like he was for the heck of it,” Spot said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. 

“Spot, chill out a sec aight?” his sister asked. 

“Thank you Erin, yes Jack is missing. Why?” Angel asked. 

“Peter’s missing too.” 

“That’s odd,” Angel mused. 

“What’s odd?” Susan asked walking over to the girls. 

“Jack and Peter are moth missing,” Zoey said her worry mounting. 

“What if we got a hold of AJ? She’d probably know where they are.” 

“But how, she hasn’t been getting on lately,” Angel pointed out. 

“Leave that to me,” Susan smirked. 

\-- 

AJ McLeod yawned for the umpteenth time. Projects tended to take forever and were very draining. She would have rather had a paper to write any day. She stared blankly at the graph paper wondering where she should put the settee for her stage design assignment. Suddenly her cell phone began to vibrate. _One new voicemail_ flashed across the screen. 

“Voicemail? No one called…” She thought. “I should probably listen to it.” 

“AHH Susan, how do you work this thing?!” Zoey’s voice asked. 

“Would you let me mess with it, I actually HAVE a cell phone!” Angel’s voice said in the background. 

“HELP MEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!” Edmund shrieked while evil laughter swelled. 

“Hey, what does this button do?” Blink asked. 

“No, don’t push that- _click_.” 

“What on earth?” Heavenly Princess asked hanging up the phone. She stole a quick look at her computer. It DID resemble an emergency…and her characters had called her. With a decisive nod, she logged in. At once Angel, Zoey, Spot, Blink, Erin, Leigha, Edmund, Susan, Cora, and Lucy greeted her. 

“Hail, hail the gang’s all here,” HP giggled. 

“Not the entire gang,” Zoey said angrily. 

“Whoa, who’s missing?” 

“Jack and Peter,” Angel growled. “Where are they?” 

“Angel, what makes you think that I have them?” 

“You’ve done stuff like this before. Need I remind you of the warehouse?” 

“And the scourge?” Zoey piped in. 

“Girls, those were both separate occasions. I wouldn’t take both of them,” AJ said trying to pacify them. 

“Then where are they?” Zoey asked angrily. 

“Sit tight, I’ll find them and let you know okay?” 

“Fine,” they sighed. 

“Oh, Cora?” 

“Aye?” The pirate replied. 

“Don’t chase Edmund with your knife anymore.” 

Edmund laughed. 

“And Ed?” 

“Yes?” 

“Don’t antagonize Cora.” 

\-- 

When Peter came to his senses, he found that he was tied to a chair with his shirt strangely absent. 

“Ow, my head…” he groaned. 

“I told you to run while you still could,” Jack commented. 

“What happened?” 

“One of them knocked out cold, took your shirt, and tied you to the chair. They’ve been staring at you ever since.” 

Peter looked to the wall where a row of girls sat gaping at him and Jack. While their hair and eye color varied, they’re heights and builds were the same and they all maintained a pinkish glow that appeared to glitter. 

“Who are they?” Peter whispered. 

“We’re your fan club,” They answered in a dazed unison. 

A dark cloaked figure entered the room. She was dressed in black from head to toe, with one exception, a silver sword hanging from her belt. Her black hair hung in a braid to her waist. 

“All right ladies, there will be a discussion of why movie verse Peter is the exceptional one followed by cookies and punch in the Grand Hall in ten minutes,” the lady said. The row of girls left with much squealing, leaving Peter and Jack alone with the woman. 

“Who are you?” Peter asked struggling to get free. 

“Georgiana De La Fleur,” she replied with a smirk, 

“And what exactly do you want with us?” Jack asked feeling a fear he’d never known before. 

“Oh, it’s not me…I am merely following orders,” She said leaning against the desk. 

“Orders from who?” Peter asked wishing he had his sword. 

“Us,” The voices froze the blood. Their worst nightmares had just come true. Jadis and Snyder were in league together. 

“Finally, the years in that stinking prison will be avenged!!!!” Snyder laughed. 

“What do you want with me?” Peter asked Jadis. 

“To finish what I started on the battlefield all those years ago. Cut his ropes, I’ve waited long enough for this day.” 

Georgiana cut the ropes from Peter’s wrists. He stood, jaw set unflinching though certain death awaited him. Jadis swung a sword madly at him while he danced out of the way. 

“Peter!” Zoey called from the doorway. Jadis seized the opportunity to shove her sword right into Peter’s shoulder. Snyder, thinking quickly, drew a knife and held it to Jack’s throat letting the blade break the skin slightly. 

“Let him go!” Angel growled. 

“Not a chance,” Georgiana replied drawing her sword. 

“Do you even know how to use that thing?” Zoey asked whipping out a bow and arrow. 

“I could ask you thing same thing,” 

Angel nodded to Zoey who let an arrow fly at Georgiana. 

“Fool! Do you think a mere arrow can stop me?” She hissed. 

“Not alone, but when combined with this, it’s fatal,” Angel grinned smashing over the head with a dictionary. 

“NOOOOO!!!!” She shrieked dissolving in a puff of pink glitter. The two infuriated wives turned their murderous gazes on Jadis and Snyder who decided that revenge was not worth their trouble before trying to sneak out. 

“FREEZE!” Zoey yelled. The two stopped in mid sneak. 

“Angel, keep an eye on the boys while I take care of these two,” Zoey grinned. Angel nodded as Zoey directed the villains to the Grand Hall. Jadis and Snyder began to whimper uncharacteristically as Zoey’s entrance into the room created a commotion among the fangirls. 

“Ladies,” She announced. “These two have just tried to kill Peter.” 

A collective gasp was heard just before they stampeded crushing evil in their wake. Zoey grinned at her handiwork as she rejoined Peter, Jack and Angel in Peter’s office. 

“Zoey, thank the lion that you came!” Peter said breathing a sigh of relief wrapping his uninjured arm around her. 

“Thank AJ, she was the one who found you.” 

“I am going to have to shower three times a day for the next week to get all this glitter out of my hair!” Angel groaned. Her hair did resemble an 80’s glam wig. 

“I like pink on you,” Jack smirked. Angel shot him a glare Cora would have been proud of. 

“Shall we go home?” Zoey asked. 

“Aye,” Peter agreed whole-heartedly. 

\-- 

Peter’s eyes flew open. He shot straight up screaming. 

“Stop screaming, you’ll wake everyone up,” Zoey mumbled from her pillow. 

“Zoey I have never been so glad to see you!” He said crushing her in a bear hug. 

“Can’t…Breathe…” Zoey gasped. 

“Oh, sorry.” 

“Nightmare?” Zoey asked setting back to the pillow. 

“Yeah, there was an evil Mary Sue and Jadis tried to kill me and…and Jack was there!” 

“Hm lovely dear.” 

“Lovely? Jadis tried to kill me! Zoey? Zoey?” He tried shaking her awaking but she slept on. “Worst nightmare ever and she falls asleep!” He grumbled laying down. 


	3. ...Meet Robin Hood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the wake of Peter's Mary Sue dream, he and Jack recruit their significant others to aid in the battle against the the Sue plague.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this took longer than expected to post. I tried this morning before work and for some reason it wouldn't work on my phone. And since I had to be at work in like two minutes, I didn't have time to go through and code the whole darn thing. Then work was...crazy. I work at a library and not only did we have to check in stuff from quarantine, we also got our only shipment between libraries in for this week, not to mention Thanksgiving is in two days (in the US) so everyone was stocking up on books to read. 
> 
> So with that whirlwind of an explanation, this was written in 2011 and still well before I knew anything about writing. There was a lot of cringing here, too. Particularly when we meet certain characters. If you haven't seen the BBC Robin Hood TV show, it's great. Wouldn't recommend it if you're looking for historical accuracy, but it's still a fun show to watch.
> 
> Now, without further ado, chapter 3.

After Peter’s dream, he managed to convince Jack that it would be in their best interest to have Angel and Zoey set up an agency that would help keep the Mary Sues from ever capturing them again. Jack heartily agreed before helping Peter to convince the girls. 

“You want us to do what?” Zoey asked, her arms folded in front of her. 

“Protect us—” Peter started to say. 

“And the rest of the literary world,” Jack added. 

“From the plague of Mary Sues.” 

“The literary world? You two do realize that we’re trapped inside a flash drive don’t you?” Angel asked contemplating the boy’s sanity. 

“Well AJ reads loads of fanfics, you could make connections!” Jack told her. 

“Connections to who? The fanfics she reads is about you lot!” 

“Let’s not forget the recent obsession with Robin Hood,” Edmund pointed out, joining the conversation. 

“I agree with Zoey and Angel,” Cora piped in. 

“You would,” Edmund muttered earning him a slap upside the head from Susan. 

“Girls, what do you say?” Angel asked turning to Lucy, Susan and Erin. 

“I think it’s rather amusing…especially the fact that they, supposed rulers of their worlds, are terrified of a group of fan girls,” Erin smirked. 

“Easy for you to talk, you’ve never been chased down by a rabid group of them!” Spot said involuntarily shuddering. 

“And you have?” 

The rest of the girls tried to stifle snickers at Erin’s sarcastic comment. 

“We all have,” Blink added. 

“Suppose we agree…” Zoey asked thoughtfully. 

“Don’t do it, Peter’s crown won’t fit anymore,” Susan groaned. Jack and the other newsies found this statement quite hysterical and promptly began laughing at the High King. 

“Ahem, suppose we agree…if nothing happens within a week, can we forget the whole thing?” 

“That’s fair,” Blink said looking at Jack to see what he would say. 

“And how exactly does this concern you?” Erin asked turning to him. 

“It doesn’t, he just wanted to say a line from the movie…” Spot rolled his eyes before they settled on Susan who started blushing. 

“Ahem,” Jack cleared his throat. “It sounds like a deal to me. Peter, what do you say?” 

“If you even think about stealing my line, I’ll soak ya!” Spot growled. 

“Wasn’t going to…it sounds good to me,” Peter said holding his hand out to Zoey who shook it. Jack spit in his hand before holding it out to Angel. 

“Never did understand why you did that…” Angel shuddered. 

The girl packed briefcases full of things to do while waiting for tortured characters to find them. They’d put word out to the various fandoms of FF in order to appease Peter and Jack, though the girls were convinced that it was pointless. After 5 days of sheer boredom, they were sitting in the rented office playing cards, having already exhausted their supply of crayons, coloring books, paper, and yarn. Zoey peered at Angel over the top of her hand, “Do you have any…6’s?” 

Angel peered back at Zoey. There was an intense silence before Angel said, “Go fish.” 

“Dang it,” Zoey moaned. 

“Ha, you’re playing with the master.” 

“Can we call it quits yet?” Zoey asked. 

“Unfortunately we said a week…two more days of mind numbing dullness and then we can.” 

It was Angel’s turn to go, when a knock interrupted them. Both girls looked at the frosted glass door, which read “legnA dna yeoZ :sretsuB euS” better read from the outside as “Sue Busters: Zoey and Angel” 

“It’s probably just the boys checking in on us…” Angel said, trying not to get her hopes up. 

“Still…we should open it for them.” 

“Come in!!!” Angel called, smirking at Zoey. 

She entered the office, her brown hair spilling onto her shoulders. Her blue-gray eyes, which were concentrated on the floor, were moist. There was a trail of tears that ran past her high rosy cheekbones before curving around her very red and full lips. She wore a blue cloak with a hood pulled up over her head and a dress similar in style to Zoey’s. At her side stood another woman, who was shorter but no less pretty but in a more natural sort of way. The second woman’s skin was several shades darker, her hair was shorter and her eyes a deep brown. She wore a more contemporary style of clothing with a sword strapped to her hip. 

“Who are you?” Zoey asked as she and Angel stood. 

“I am Lady Marian of Knighton,” The tall pale woman answered looking up at the women before her. 

“And I am Djaq from Acre, Palestine,” the shorter answered, her voice thickly accented. 

“What can we do for you ladies?” Angel asked going to the teapot she and Zoey had brought. “Cup of tea?” 

“Yes thank you. We desperately need your help,” Marian answered. 

“You do really?” Zoey asked, noting that she’d have to pay Edmund ten pounds now. 

“Yes…we’ve heard of the notice you put out for those needing help ridding their men of Mary Sue syndrome,” Djaq added. 

“And what fandom do you hail from?” 

“Lady Marian…I would guess Robin Hood,” Angel grinned handing their guests a cup of tea. 

“Correct, BBC Robin Hood to be more precise.” 

“BBC?” Zoey asked. 

“British Broadcasting Company…I think that’s what it stands for at least,” Angel explained. 

“Ah, and just what seems to be the problem?” 

“Djaq, would you explain since you were there?” 

Djaq took a moment to steel her nerves before explaining their fate. 

“You see, about two weeks ago, the gang…Robin, Will, Much, Alan, John and myself, were eating dinner when we heard something in the bushes. John, being the most imposing of us, went to see what it was and well he brought that…thing…into our midst. Before long she had Robin under her spell. The rest of us tried to get rid of her, but Robin being a male under her spell wouldn’t let her out of his sight. We tried mentioning Marian—” 

“We’re betrothed you see,” Marian cut Djaq off. 

“But it did no good…he wouldn’t hear of it…and then he permitted her sisters to come.” 

“And just how many were there?” Zoey asked. 

“There were four, but two left promptly,” Djaq answered getting annoyed at being interrupted. 

“Why did they leave?” Angel asked jotting notes down on a napkin. 

“Well, they were after Much and Little John.” 

“Much isn’t always—the most intelligent when it comes to women,” Marian said cutting Djaq off again. 

“That and with John’s undying devotion to his wife, they saw that they had no sway and were getting bored so they left.” 

“So there are three Sue Sisters…and they have Robin, Will and Alan, correct?” Angel prodded. 

“Yes,” Djaq answered through clenched teeth. 

“And then what did you do?” 

“At the instruction of John and Much I went to find Lady Marian to see if she could help,” Djaq continued her narration, but when Marian opened her mouth she drew her sword. “The next person to interrupt will have my sword to contend with!” The three women present clamped their hands over their mouths while their eyes grew to the size of saucers. “Anyway, I went to Lady Marian, who though she didn’t know how to stop them had heard of you two…so we came here. There I am done, thank you!” 

“Where are they located?” Zoey asked. 

“Sherwood forest of course! Where else would Robin Hood be?” Marian asked shocked at Zoey’s question. 

“Well for all I knew he could be on the moon!” 

“You have heard of him before, have you not?” 

“She comes from a different world where they haven’t actually.” Angel answered. 

“Oh, my apologies,” Marian blushed. Zoey mumbled a non-committal answer along with something about being queen and Jadis turning herself to stone. 

“All right, first things first…we need to go to Sherwood,” Angel said standing up. 

“You’ll need to change first, you’ll stick out like a sore thumb in that wood…” Djaq told them. 

“We’ve got battle gear, if you’ll excuse us for a moment.” 

Zoey and Angel disappeared changing into the battle gear Peter and Jack had given them, complete with arrows, swords and several pocket-sized example of classic literature. They emerged looking ready to battle the forces of ditziness. Marian and Djaq looked at the women before them with jaws agape at the amount of books. 

“Will those help?” Marian asked. 

“According to my husband they will,” Zoey said. 

“Books?” Djaq asked curiously. 

“Mary Sues are unreceptive to good plot lines and big words as well as any form of decent description, characterization, alliteration, consonance, assonance and other literary devices,” Angel explained. 

“Now, shall we be off?” Zoey asked knocking an arrow to her bow. 

“Right…this way.” Marian said leading them to heart of Sherwood where two muscular guards stood guarding the road. 

“This is as far as we dare go…we’ve been banned from the forest,” Djaq whispered. “And we were lucky to get this far.” 

“Who are they?” Angel asked from where they were crouched in the underbrush. 

“Mary Sue’s brothers, Gary and Marty Stu,” Marian told her. 

“Perfect…perhaps the same strategy will work on them?” Zoey asked. 

“You should act like helpless maidens while Marian and I take them from behind,” Djaq said. 

“Why can’t you two be the helpless maidens?” Angel asked. 

“Because they’ll recognize us.” 

“Right…come on Zoey, let’s look helpless.” 

Zoey and Angel made their way to the guards giving them girlish giggles and eyelash bats. 

“Please sirs, we’re hopelessly lost, can you help us?” Angel asked while Zoey looked at her on the verge of losing her lunch. 

“What’s a pretty lil lady like you doin in these woods alone?” Gary asked tipping his cowboy hat that had magically appeared. 

“Excuse me? I’m right here, she’s not alone!” Zoey protested. 

“Hey there, I’m Marty and do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?” 

“Are you serious?” 

“Are you tired, because you’ve been running through my mind all day,” 

“Do you know anything other than cheesy pickup lines?” 

“Are you from Tenn—” 

Unfortunately at that point, Zoey had enough and released an arrow into his neck. She saw Gary still flirting with Angel, who looked like she was also about to lose her lunch, when Djaq hit him over the head with her sword. 

“Took ya long enough!” Zoey rolled her eyes. 

“You were supposed to be helpless!” Marian snapped. 

“I think I lost 10 IQ points,” Angel said rubbing her head. 

“Come on, we’re almost there!” Djaq said leading them further into the forest. The light had faded when they saw a light flickering from a clearing of trees. 

“We’re here…” 

“No, really, I couldn’t tell,” Zoey smirked. 

“Are you always this sarcastic?” Marian asked shooting her a look. 

“No, only when my husband being right leads me into a forest in the middle of the night.” 

“Anyway, the best element would be surprise, I think. Zoey, Marian and Djaq take a book. Hit them over the head with them then use your weapons while they’re in shock. Try not to hurt the boys, but you may have to tie them to a tree and whack them with the books to break the spell,” Angel instructed. 

“Ready girls? Zoey asked. 

“The one hanging all over Will is mine!” Djaq growled. 

“Marian, do you want to get the one on Robin?” 

“I’d love to but, I’ve got to get back to the castle before I’m missed.” 

“What?” Angel asked. 

“It’s a long story, I’ll explain later,” Djaq told the confused women. 

“Okay, let’s do this!” Zoey said running toward the fire. 

With a piercing yell, Angel, Djaq and Zoey burst from the trees brandishing their weapons and books. Djaq and Zoey bashed their Sues in the head with the book before running them through with their swords. They heard a shriek from Angel whose Mary Sue refused to go down. 

“Why isn’t it working?” She cried. 

“What book is it?” Zoey asked as Djaq rushed by and smashed the Sue in the head with her book. Angel didn’t answer because Alan, Robin and Will who were outraged at the loss of their Sues, began to fight the three women. 

“Will, it’s me, Djaq…don’t you remember me?” She asked as Will came after her. The other two women found that they were no match for the battle skills of Robin or Alan and were quickly pushed into a small huddle, despite landing several blows on the outlaws heads with their books. Robin was just about to drive a sword through Angel, when his eyes rolled back into his head as he collapsed to the ground. Will and Alan’s head banged together causing both of them to collapse as well. The women looked up into the smiling faces of Little John and Much. 

“I have never been so happy to see you two!” Djaq grinned hugging both of them. 

“Stupid bloody book!” Angel cursed looking at the cover of the book she was holding. Much looked at her curiously as Zoey crowded in on her other side. 

“Well no wonder it wouldn’t work…it’s Alice in Wonderland!” Zoey laughed. 

“What’s wrong with Alice in Wonderland?” Much asked, not sure of what it was. 

“Leik, curiouser and curiouser!” Angel collapsed into giggles. 

\-- 

“Thank you both!” Djaq said Will’s arm secure around her shoulders. 

“It was our pleasure,” Zoey grinned turning to Will. “Take care of her! Or you’ll have to face us.” 

“I shall,” he replied leaving the Zoey and Angel at their office. 

“Should we tell the boys about this?” Angel asked as they headed home for the night. 

“And make their heads bigger, I think not!” Zoey laughed. 

“Wise call.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies if you're a lover of Alice in Wonderland. While there is apparently no evidence that Lewis Carroll was on drugs when he wrote the book, at lot of the book would suggest otherwise. (or even entirely possible that it's fanciful imagination and not meant to make sense) so with that I felt like it was something that wouldn't be effective against a horde of Mary Sue's.


	4. ...and the Drunken Marsupial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter, by the gift of Aslan, by election, and by conquest, High King over all Kings in Narnia, Emperor of the Lone Islands, Lord of Cair Paravel, Knight of the Most Noble Order of the Lion...picks a fight with a kangaroo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the last of the prewritten works. This was written back in 2012. It came from a talk with a friend. I'd been reading a lot of fanfics where the characters face off against the mary sue's authors often tried to pair them with (hence the last couple of chapters) and in one the author said something along the lines of "Susan was laughing like a drunken marshwiggle." I, of course, found this hilarious and had to share with my friend only she thought I said drunken marsupial. The image got planted in my head of Peter trying to fight a drunk kangaroo and this this chapter was born.
> 
> I love kudos and comments, all I ask for is to temper your words with grace and kindness.  
> Without further ado, Chapter 5.

It was a crisp spring morning in the flash drive as the Narnian’s prepared their steeds for a hunt. The Newsies, being unfamiliar with this tradition, watched anxiously as their close companions, nay friends, prepared to go off without them. This wasn’t something that they’d ever encountered before and as such it scared them. 

“Where’re ya goin?” Blink asked Susan who was brushing down her black mare. 

“We are going hunting,” Susan replied with a grin. “You all are more than welcome to come.” 

“Let me go talk to the others!” Blink said excitedly running off. 

“Oy, why did you do that?” Peter asked frustrated by the turn of events. He loved spending time with the Newsies, but even his graciousness had its limit whereas Susan’s didn’t. 

“I couldn’t just say we’re going hunting; you’re not allowed to come could I?” Susan asked appalled at the thought. 

“Plus she likes him.” Cora smirked. 

“I told you that was a secret!” 

“It’s not like we didn’t already know.” 

“I didn’t actually,” Peter spoke up. 

“That’s because you’re a man, darling,” Zoey grinned mounting her milk white mare. 

“I didn’t either,” William said holding Lucy’s horse still for her. 

“Well you haven’t been here very long,” Cora added. She’d pestered AJ for months to find her family and as such William had joined their merry “little” troupe. After laying eyes on Lucy one time, he’d been smitten with her ever since. Not that Lucy complained for it was rather nice having a gentleman’s attention as opposed to the sometimes uncouth Newsies. Not that she would EVER tell them she thought that. 

“Any way the point is, I couldn’t _not_ invite him Peter, so bite your tongue,” Susan said with a nod of finality. Just as she was saddling her horse the Newsies showed up, dressed in their usual garb. 

“So exactly how do we do this?” Jack asked sauntering up to Peter, who rolled his eyes and groaned. 

“Ignore him,” Zoey sighed looking at her husband. “Mount your horse and follow us.” 

“Where are we gonna get horses?” Spot asked looking at the large creatures warily. Zoey’s horse flattened her ears at him and took a snip at his fingers, making him yelp unceremoniously. 

“You probably smell like something she likes,” Edmund told Spot as 6 horses; a beautiful bay, a spirited sorrel, a peaceful palomino, a plucky paint, an arrogant Arabian, and a colossal Clydesdale to be specific, appeared nearby. The Arabian took a look at Spot, snipping the boy’s hat off with his teeth. 

“Give me that,” Spot growled reaching for his hat, which the horse let go and promptly snickered. 

“If you two love birds are ready, the rest of us are ready to go,” Jack said leaning on his saddle. Spot looked around to see the rest of the group already mounted and ready to go. Blushing, though he’ll deny it if ever asked, he climbed into the saddle. 

With a merry do-do-do-do-do-do of the “hunting horn” (though in reality it was nothing more than a used up roll of wrapping paper) they were off. As the 13 of them raced through the dark recesses of the flash drive, Edmund pulled up beside Peter. 

“I say, why do we use a horn when we hunt?” the younger king asked. 

“I don’t know, it’s just something that we do,” Peter shrugged. 

“Well one would think it unwise as it would alert our quarry that we’re after them, right?” 

“Interesting thought Ed,” Peter mused. “It’s a wonder Susan never thought of that.” 

“Why do you say that?” 

“She’s the ‘logical one’ remember?” 

“Right, forgot about that,” Edmund nodded as a blast from the wrapping paper horn rang out. 

“Oy Su, enough!” Lucy said holding her hand over her ear. 

“It’s the thrill of the hunt Lu!” Susan grinned, standing in her stirrups and letting forth another blast. 

“What’s that?!” Cora asked pointing at something running, no it was hopping, away from them. 

“Looks like a Kangaroo to me,” Erin said squinting to see the animal in front of them. 

“What is a bloody Kangaroo doing in a flash drive?” Edmund growled pulling Phillip to a halt. 

“Would you mind going easy on the reigns, sire?” the horse asked. “You’re making my mouth hurt.” 

“Sorry old chap,” Edmund grimaced patting his friend’s neck. 

“Did that thing just talk?” Leigha asked pointing at Phillip. 

“No, it was your imagination,” Cora shook her head at the girl. 

“Cora, was that necessary?” Edmund asked. 

“You haven’t been riding next to her this whole time.” 

“She’s not that bad,” Angel spoke up pulling her horse to a stop. Though, she’d been around horses all her life and so she was used to handling them. 

“In answer to your question, Ed; I don’t know why there is a kangaroo hopping around in a flash drive,” Peter spoke up. 

“He’s not bloody though,” Blink pointed out. 

“It’s just an expression Blink,” Edmund shook his head. 

“Oh…” 

“Wait a second; is it hopping in zig-zag?” Jack asked. 

“Yeah it is…that’s weird,” Zoey said looking closer. 

“They don’t usually do that,” Angel added. 

“And you’re the expert now?” Spot asked. 

“Yes brother, I am the expert in all things,” Angel smirked. 

“Here we go…” Erin shook her head. Spot, instead of getting into an argument, simply rolled his eyes. 

“You should see what’s wrong with the animal, Peter,” Zoey said decisively. 

“And why do I get to examine it? Let the expert take a look,” Peter shrugged. 

“Because you’re the High King love. It’s your duty and your right.” 

“Oh sure, when you want something looked at, it’s your duty and right as High King…but issue a decree and it has to be voted on by the other three,” Peter grumbled dismounting. He was still grumbling when he walked up to the Kangaroo, forgetting that they do box. As such, the Kangaroo, being quite frightened at this point, put its head up and appraised Peter with a wary eye. 

“It’s all right boy,” Peter said clicking his tongue at the marsupial. 

“Do you think we should tell him that the Kangaroo is a girl?” Angel asked Zoey. 

“We’ll see where it goes from here.” 

“I’m still waiting for the ‘well I ain’t gonna smell it,’” Susan giggled. 

“She’s not a beaver, she won’t say anything,” Lucy answered. Meanwhile Peter was still trying to gain the Kangaroo’s trust. 

“Oy, would you get on with it?” Cora groaned. This frightened the already skittish Kangaroo who reared up on its tail and kicked Peter in the gut, toppling him over. Peter, natural battle honed instincts kicking in, pulled his sword and began circling with the Kangaroo. He tried to best the animal to no avail; he was thoroughly bruised and defeated when the Kangaroo hopped off on unsteady legs. 

“Are you all right?” Zoey asked dismounting and coming over to him. 

“I’m fine,” Peter groaned trying to stand. “You know something was funny about that Kangaroo.” 

“You’re blaming your opponent now?” Spot quipped. 

“He smelled weird.” 

“She, is a wild animal, she probably doesn’t have a pleasant smell most days,” Angel giggled. 

“That was a girl?” Peter asked crawling back into the saddle. 

“Did you see the pouch?” 

“How did she smell?” Lucy asked, knowing Peter would want to finish his story. 

“You know the Calormene love of drink? She smelled like that.” 

“Like alcohol?” Susan gasped, not sure who would dare give alcohol to a wild animal. 

“Yeah…like that.” 

“Who would do that to an animal?” 

Blink started whistling and avoiding eye contact. 

“What’s wrong with you?” Leigha asked. 

“Well uh, you know that wine that no one likes?” he asked. 

“What about it?” Susan asked. 

“I kinda just tossed it out the window…” 

At this point, Edmund promptly collapsed into laughter, so much that his face turned red. 

“And what are you laughing about?” Cora asked looking at him like he was mad. 

“Peter-kangahahahaha,” Edmund laughed. 

“What?” 

“He sounds like a drunken Marshwiggle,” Lucy looked at her brother. 

“Respectabiggle,” Edmund laughed. Peter was not amused, and everyone else just stared confused by what was going on. 

“Not a marshwiggle. Peter got his tail kicked by a drunken marsupial!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm really going to try to get the next chapter out tomorrow, but I make no promises. It's Thanksgiving here in the US which means I'm probably going to be busy all day. And then adding to the fact that I decided today that the next chapter doesn't really fit the current tone of the story and therefore it must be changed. Here's hoping I can get that done tonight :D


	5. ...and the bats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the bat boys are unwittingly sucked into an alternate universe, the residents of the flash drive work together to bring their loved ones home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there!  
> So this chapter is the entire reason this fic even got posted here. I needed to give y'all the background before I just dumped this on you. This chapter was inspired by a song that my roommate got stuck in my head. It's Boy Band Parody by Paint and Peter Hollens over on ye olde youtube. You'll know the line that was the basis when you hear it. So with that being said, I have to send out a shout out to the wonderful Embleer_Frith0323 for giving the fashion advice for the style of the bat boys, since my version of decent clothing is jeans and a t-shirt most days. If you haven't checked out her profile, do it cause she's amazing!!!!   
> I love comments and kudos, just please be kind.  
> And without further ado, chapter 5.

Dick Grayson slammed the door shut. His lungs desperate for air. How the hell this had happened, there was no telling. He’d been minding his own business when _they_ ’d showed up. The horde of fangirls had practically torn his dark blue sweater from his back. Even now he could hear the steady _thump, thump, thump_ of them trying to break down the door. 

Damian emerged from his dressing room clad in the red, green, and yellow hipster chic clothes the band’s stylist had insisted upon. The 13-year-old tolerated it, because it let his fans see him on stage. “What’s going on?” he nodded to the door Dick had flung himself against. 

“Crazed fangirls.” A particularly vicious thump moved Dick. He immediately threw himself against the metallic surface. 

“You talk a walk too close to the stage again, Dickie?” Jason walked out sliding his arms into a black leather jacket. With the white streak in his otherwise black hair, he looked the part of a rocker. To save herself a headache, the stylist told him to go rockabilly just so he had some sense of style when it came to his usual blacks and dark grays. 

Dick shook his head. “I was in the safe zone, couldn’t even see where the fans usually stay. And then they just…found me.” 

“And you led them back here?” Tim joined the family circle pulling a red knit beanie over his black hair. 

“No! I tried to lose them, but it’s like they spread out.” 

The door shook in its frame. 

“Did you call security?” Jason leaned against the door adding his considerable bulk to keeping the door shut. 

“Oh darn, why didn’t I think of that?” Dick grit his teeth. Sarcasm dripped from his words. Did he really play the vapid front man of _Bats and Birds_ that well? 

Damian tugged at his green vest. “Are they coming?” 

“No idea, lil D. But if they don’t, we’ll have to fend of this horde ourselves. 

A clang sounded from the door where a dent now formed between Dick and Jason. That wasn’t a good sign. 

Dick reached for a wingding from his belt. _Wait, what am I doing? There’s nothing there…what even_ is _a wingding anyway?_

“We should run.” Tim tied the laces on his boot. 

“You plan to run in those?” Dick raised an eyebrow. “They won’t hold up to anything.” 

“They’re vintage, what do they need to hold up to besides the passage of time?” Tim rolled up the sleeves of his buffalo plaid over shirt. 

“Dig a little too deep into hipsters when ‘Mis told you to research them so you could buy your own clothes?” Jason rolled his eyes at his younger brother. 

“Better than only getting a style because you couldn’t be counted on to wear something acceptable.” Tim folded his arms over his chest. 

“You got something you wanna get off your chest, _replacement_?” Jason took a step away from the door. 

“Oh that’s hilarious considering that we started this band together!” 

Jason fisted his hands in Tim’s shirt, yanking his brother closer. From the amused look on Damian’s face, he was just going to let them get into a brawl. Dick moved in between them in an attempt to keep the peace. 

“Why’d you call him ‘replacement’ Jaybird?” He pushed his brothers apart from each other. 

Jason shrugged. “Sounded good. You got a problem with it, Goldie?” 

Dick took a deep breath. He would have explained that they needed to quit fighting and get to security, but the door flung open at that moment. A horde of screaming fangirls poured through the opening. 

“Running sounds like a great plan!” Damian shouted over the screams filling their dressing room. 

No sooner had Dick taken a step than he found himself pinned to the ground, hands scrambling for purchase on whatever part of his body they could find. He kicked out and made contact with someone, only to have them replaced by another…at least that he could tell. He managed to break his arms free of their hold and attempted an army crawl. From the growls coming up from either side, he could only assume his brothers were pinned down as well. 

*~* 

Artemis checked her bowstring. Her shots had been misfiring, which could be the difference between life and death on a mission. Well, at least what constituted as a mission these days. She’d seen the light of day more frequently that the others trapped in the flash drive. The Narnians were still somewhat there since the Authoress still opened their stories to read sometimes. She’d heard tale of a group…the Newsies…that had been there, but they’d faded into the dark recesses and hadn’t been heard from since. That was the truest danger living—existing—here, becoming so obsolete that you faded away into nothingness. With the Authoress’ latest work at least her, Dick, and Jason were safe. Speaking of those two, she hadn’t seen them in a while. Usually, they’d start arguing over something shortly after waking up, but the morning had been unusually quiet. 

She made her way to the common room, that had been a nice addition to their slice of hyperspace. They had actual rooms now, the Narnians told her at the beginning it was everyone crowded into the same space. Queen Consort Zoey had raved about that until even Artemis had turned red. There was only so much she needed to know about her relationship with the High King. The Narnians were present, mostly relaxing, though Lucy was sharpening her dagger. Peter and Edmund were grossly engaged in a chess game and Susan…where _was_ the queen? 

Artemis had no sooner looked around than Susan rode by doing a trick archery shot from the back of her horse. And she hit the bullseye. 

“Excellent aim, your majesty.” Artemis moved to where the queen had dismounted to pull arrows from the target. 

“Thank you, Arty. With little else to do, I’ve decided to at least improve on a skill.” The gentle queen stashed her arrows in her quiver. 

“Has it been…quiet…this morning for you too?” 

“Yes, my brothers usually aren’t ones for over excitement, the Lunars can be prone to it but only after provocation, whereas your friends…” 

She threw her head back and laughed. “Dick and Jason give a jet engine a run for its money?” 

Susan relaxed her posture. “That’s one way of putting it.” 

“They’re a lot to take in. Just be glad the whole family isn’t here…along with the Justice League.” 

They walked back to the common room and were just settling in when Iko, the blue-braided android rushed in. 

“Artemis, have you seen Jason?” If the AI could breathe, she’d be hyperventilating. 

“No, I haven’t, what’s wrong?” Of all the things it she’d had to get used to living in this place, it was that Jason and Iko were dating. As far as she’d known, androids didn’t have the capability for emotion. At least the ones she’d known hadn’t. But Cinder had pulled her aside to explain that Iko was the most human android anyone had ever encountered. 

Iko paced behind the couch. “I woke up and he wasn’t there. And then I tried to call cause maybe he was in a story, but all I got was static.” 

“That’s…unusual.” Artemis pulled her phone from her pocket and called Dick. Static as well. 

“They’re both missing?” Thorne set his tablet down. 

“I hadn’t thought anything of it until now, but yes.” Artemis nodded as a sharp sensation stabbed through her brain. 

“Artemis, what’s wrong?” Scarlet knelt in front of her. When had she moved? 

“Sudden pain in my head.” She winced. “It seems to be subsiding.” 

“I wonder if it has anything to do with the boys missing?” Zoey set her cup of tea on the table. 

“I’ll see what I can find.” Cress pulled out a fancy looking tablet and tapped away on it. She started humming after several minutes. 

“Well at least we know she’s looking hard.” Thorne shrugged. “She hums when she concentrates.” 

“In the meantime, dear, have some tea.” Zoey handed Artemis a cup. 

“Got anything stronger?” 

“We can scrounge up some coffee if you want, but other than that. No.” Peter glared at her. 

“He’s still a bit miffed about getting beaten up by a drunk kangaroo.” Lucy whispered. 

Artemis had heard the story, and she could understand the King—High King’s reluctance to allow alcohol in any sort of proximity, but this was taking it a bit far. They were grown ass adults who could make their own damn decisions, thank you. That was how they dealt with being vigilantes some days. 

“Oh no!” Cress’ hands flew to her mouth as she gasped. 

“What? What’s wrong?” Artemis and Iko shouted. 

“They’re stuck in an Alternate Universe, it looks bad.” She turned her blue eyes to them, tears brimming along her lashline. 

“Was this AJ’s doing?” Zoey stood with a murderous expression on her face. 

Cress shook her head. “No, it seems like someone…essentially kidnapped them from the flash drive.” 

“So how do we get them back?” Artemis shot to her feet fingers itching to knock an arrow to her bowstring. 

“Give me a sec.” Cress furrowed her brow. “I opened a portal for you guys to get them back. But I can’t keep it open for long, so you’ll have to hurry.” 

“Fine by me.” 

“There’s also a horde of fangirls…you might need some back up. There’s two others trapped with Dick and Jason as well.” 

Cinder joined Artemis. “Tim and Damian, right?” 

Cress nodded her agreement. 

“We’ve got this. Ze’ev, care to scare some clueless mary sue’s?” Zoey stood with the other two women. 

“Gladly.” The former Lunar Special Operative grinned revealing a row of wolfish teeth. 

Armed with all the weapons they had close by, Artemis, Cinder, Peter, Susan, Thorne, Ze’ev, and Zoey stepped through the slash in their reality to save their friends. 

They weren’t prepared for the melee before them. 

“When Cress said a horde, she wasn’t kidding.” Cinder stared at the scene before them. At least a hundred screaming girls had pinned each of the bat boys to the ground. Artemis almost didn’t want to know what they’d done to the brothers. 

“Who are you?” A blonde girl with a crazed expression looked up. If Artemis had to pinpoint the look, it was about the same as Pit Madness…the same one that still overtook Jason in particularly high stress situations. 

Artemis drew her bow alongside Susan. “Back off.” 

“Oh are you going to make us? We out number you 17 to 1.” 

Behind her Ze’ev let out a deep growl. 

“We may not, but the wolf soldier behind us will.” Susan grinned releasing an arrow. 

The girl went down in a puff of pink glitter. 

Ze’ev roared and bowled through the girls who were still surrounding the bat boys. That alone sent most of them into a panicked run. The few who remained were fought off by Cinder, Peter, Thorne, and Zoey. 

As soon as the room was cleared, they picked Dick, Jason, Tim and Damian up from where they’d lain prone on the ground and carried them back through the portal. Safe and home…or at least home like. 

*~* 

When Dick woke, his whole body ached. Even the flu hadn’t been this bad. He was pretty sure he could relate to pavement smoothed down by a steam roller. A steady beep registered in his ears and when he reached up to scrub his hands over his face something sharp pricked the inside of his arm. Skin greeted his fingertips. No gloves. No mask. He was Dick Grayson right now, not Nightwing. 

“Morning handsome.” A feminine voice sounded from his right. 

He blinked his eyes open. Artemis sat by his feet, a smile splitting her features. 

“Hey yourself.” He croaked. 

She handed him a cup of water. “You’ve been out for a while.” 

“What happened?” 

She patted his leg. “Why don’t we get you into the common room and we’ll only explain once to all of you.” 

He nodded dumbly as she unhooked him from the machines, helped him stand, and supported him as they moved to the common room. Jason was sprawled on the couch, his head resting in Iko’s lap as she worked her fingers through his hair. Damian nursed a cup of tea next to Zoey. Susan rubbed comforting circles on Tim’s back. 

“Look who’s returned to the land of the living.” Peter walked up to him and clapped him on the shoulder. 

“Yeah, what happened though?” Dick settled onto the floor next to the couch and let his head drop onto Artemis’ shoulder. 

“The simple version…you four got sucked into a Rock Band Alternate Universe. It seems that a virus attached to a song AJ downloaded squirreled you off underneath our noses.” Cress answered sitting cross legged on the floor behind the coffee table. 

“But we got everything under control and brought you all back.” Zoey shot her husband a knowing smile. 

“At least it wasn’t a dream this time.” Peter moved a chess piece. “Checkmate!” 

“Best 258 out of 500?” Edmund held up the Bishop. 

“Fine, but eventually you will have to help out with the dishes.” 

Dick settled back happy things were calm for a change. 

Artemis kissed the top of his head. “Rest while you can. We’ll have to go to work in a story soon enough.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this marks the end of what I have for this fic. I update it periodically, though it's been...*counts on fingers* I think 8 years since the last chapter and this one? So it might get updated, it might not. It's basically a collection of one shots that gets added to as the mood strikes. It's not marked as complete though in the event that I want to add more later.  
> Thanks for reading!  
> AJ


End file.
